2016-03-18 07:06 PM
Reply from Joan Dempsey regard a comment on Show, Don’t Tell Lesson.
I will turn your questions back to you, Jack, to see what you might discover in the doing. You asked: "How does one 'show' the reader about sounds, tastes, smells, touches as well as looks? Again, how does one 'tell' the reader about sounds, tastes, smells, touches as well as looks?"
Try to write something that will help you to answer those questions. Write a scene in which all five senses are attended to (or at least 3 of them). See how you can show or tell for each of these.
Another way to do this is to scan novels or stories for the senses, and see how the writer used those senses - did he or she show them, or tell them, or both?
Study this concept as much as you can - see what other writers do, and employ their strategies in your journals. Let me know how you make out.
From Natalie Goldberg’s Old Friend from Far Away
Here’s a tongue in cheek example from Natalie Goldberg regarding using all the senses when one writes:
“I liked her. She smelled likes roses. She tasted like alfalfa. She sounded like a saxophone and she felt like a horse’s mane and looked like the devil.”
This example uses the ‘tell’ method for each of the senses by using similes. Therefore, a writer may use similes to tell the reader about all the senses. NG does not discuss “showing” at this point in her book.
From Claire Kehrwald Cook’s Line by Line
The following advice, beginning on page 14, seems relevant to implementing ‘showing’ instead of ‘telling.’
“But when you want the reader to envision what you’re writing about, as you usually do if you find yourself adding adjectives and adverbs, make sure to choose the most specific nouns and verbs you can. Surrender to modifiers only as a last resort.”
The author uses ‘envision’ instead of ‘show’ for the same concept. I believe ‘envision’ is a richer description of the possibilities for engaging the reader’s imagination whereas ‘show’ only requires that the reader sits back and stare as if watching TV or a movie. IMHO.
From Ernest Hemingway’s For Whom the Bell Tolls
The following sentences and fragments are from Chapter 1:
“The stream showed clear and smooth-looking…”
This is an explicit use of the verb ‘show’ to show the reader the setting. This is almost funny in its simplicity, but indeed ‘showed’ shows better than ‘was’ would have. If ‘was’ was used, this would have been a ‘telling’ sentence.
“…and ate the clean, cool green leaves and the crisp, peppery tasting stalks.”
The author is conveying taste and sight information, but is it through showing or telling? I believe he is telling how the leaves look and feel and how the stalks feel and taste, not showing.
“… and drank from the stream. The water was achingly cold.
Initially, I thought this was about a taste sensation, but cold is not one of the five basic tastes. Rather it is the feeling sense being described. It is a telling description that uses an adverb. (I point this out because I’m currently engulfed with the contagion adverb-phobia, ha!)
“He could see a trail through the grass where the horses had been led …”
The author is writing as an omniscient narrator. As the author tells the reader what this character is seeing, the author is also showing the setting to the reader. Again, the author is showing the setting by telling the thoughts of a character.
“Man, I’m hungry, he thought.”
The author writes about a character’s feelings by telling the character’s thoughts. Is this showing or telling? Simple telling would be: “He was hungry.” The reader is able to empathize more by knowing the characters thoughts, but I still can’t see his hunger, so I conclude it’s not showing. On the other hand, I definitely get that he is hungry so perhaps the author’s intent is to show that the character is hungry, not describe his hunger. (I spent a lot of time trying to understand this simple sentence.)
From Edward Abbey’s The Fool’s Progress: An Honest Novel
The following sentences and fragments are from Chapter 1:
“…except for the usual background noise, from the city, of a diesel freight train clattering down the rails, of the endless caravan of forty-ton Peterbilts, Kenworths, Macks, Whites, grinding along the Interstate, of air-force jets screeching through the air …
The author tells about sounds, using the gerunds of clattering, grinding, and screeching as types of noise.
“Pull the trigger – BLAM! – and there’s the screech of lead slug, hollow-pointed and dilate, smashing through a clutch of copper coils.”
The author uses BLAM! to describe a sound. Blam is an interjection, not a verb. It does not tell about the sound, rather it mimics the sound. That makes it similar to a ‘showing’ since it allows the reader to envision what the hearing of that sound is like. What are other interjections? I now want to find other interjections.
“The little fan scratches to a final stop.”
The authors use scratches to tell the reader that a harsh sound accompanies the fan stopping.
From Hunter S. Thompson’s Generation of Swine.
“My neighbors are calfing tonight. The cowboys are working overtime and the barns are lit up with flood lamps and portable heaters. A freak snowstorm in the Rockies has made the cows nervous and they are all giving birth at the same time.
When I drove down to the tavern around midnight, I noticed a strange glow on the horizon – which is never a good thing to see in the country – but when I came around the bend where the road crosses over the creek, I saw that it was only Wayne’s barn, lit up like a football stadium and surrounded by pickup trucks. There were sounds of cows bellowing and men with blood up to their elbows running back and forth in the shadows.”
In the first paragraph, the author tells the reader that it is a calfing setting. In the second paragraph, the author describes his actions and what he is seeing thereby allowing the reader to vicariously ride along and envision the scene as the author sees it. He uses a simile; “lit up like a football stadium.” to show a look. He uses the gerund ‘bellowing’ to convey the sound of the cows in “There were sounds of cows bellowing … .” If this gerund were left out, this clause would be “There were sounds of cows …” which is not as strong. Including ‘bellowing’ allows the reader to hear along with the author. “…men with blood up to their elbows running back and forth in the shadows” allows the reader to look along with the author. Isn’t it through telling that the author shows the action?
I am beginning to question is if there is a clear cut division between telling and showing. Perhaps the distinction is not binary, rather a continuum exists between tell and show techniques.
Another thought, the setting for the action of the last sentence is established by everything that preceded it. It’s like some rock n’ roll songs that kick it up the volume much louder some appreciable time into the song. First a long setup –BAM! – action.
From Anais Nin’s Seduction of the Minotaur
“Other people were dancing around them, so obedient to the rhythms that they seemed like algae in the water, welded to each other, and swaying, the colored skirts billowing, the white suits like frames to support the flower arrangements made by the women’s dresses, their hair, their jewels, their lacquered nails. The wind sought to carry them away from the orchestra, but they remained in its encirclement of sound like Japanese kites moved by strings from the instruments.”
This single paragraph tells of other people dancing. I don’t see any showing. There are similes; “…like algae in the …”, “…white suits like frames to support …” and “… like Japanese kites … .” The look, touch, and sound senses of the reader are invoked in a dramatic passive manner.
“There were tears in Lillian’s eyes, for having made friends immediately not with a new, a beautiful, a drugging place, but with a man intent on penetrating the mysteries of the human labyrinth from which she was a fugitive.”
Lillian’s emotional response is revealed by the telling of “There were tears in … .” I’m not sure whether they are tears of joy or sadness. Is she glad to meet a kindred spirit who may help her or sad that her inner protection schemes may be assaulted and possibly violated? Perhaps that’s the mystery of the novel for the reader to unravel.
What sense is an emotion? What’s the distinction between an emotion and a feeling? Emotions are outside the framework of the five basic senses. Some researchers believe there are 21 senses.
http://www.todayifoundout.com/index.php/2010/07/humans-have-a-lot-more-than-five-senses.
How many emotions are there? Attempting to find or make up examples of telling and showing about the various emotions would be an endless endeavor. Attempting to address never ending questions about the human condition is part of the appeal of Anais Nin even though she appears to write exclusively as a telling author.
This is my brief assessment only – I am by no means an expert on Anais Nin.
From Manzano Jack’s Bosque del Apache NWR, New Mexico
“I encountered a Blue Heron twice close enough to hear squawks of unpleasant grumbling as he flew away from my approaches. Interesting as well was the way he extended his head high away from his shoulders straightening his neck to get a better view of my approach. He lowered his head folding his neck into a curve as he settled down and waited. I recorded audio of my approach; footsteps preceded his angry squawking flight to safety, my quick laugh followed.”
This piece is from my journals with no revisions post Revise with Confidence.
I attempted to let the reader hear the sounds of the Blue Heron by using the gerunds ‘unpleasant grumbling’ and ‘angry squawking.’ I recall wanting to characterize these sounds as I wrote. I also revealed the look of the Blue Heron in action by telling how he was straightening and folding his neck.
The following update, with revisions post Revise with Confidence inserts myself more fully in the scene and tells the reader what I am seeing and hearing thus showing the reader what I am seeing and letting the reader hear what I am hearing. (At times, this seems like a game of semantics I'm playing as I try to explain how my telling is the reader’s seeing.)
“I saw a Blue Heron up close and heard grumbling squawks as the big blue bird flew away from my approaches two times. After a short first flight, he landed farther along the access road that doubled as the hiking trail and paralleled the irrigation canal that he was hunting in when I first approached. He strode to the center of the access road and then pissed a pencil-wide white stream as if marking his territory. I watched curiously as he extended his head high away from his shoulders by straightening his neck to get a better view of my second approach. He then lowered his head by folding his neck into a curve as he settled his body farther down and waited. Continuing my approach with footsteps crunching on the graveled access road, I heard and saw the big blue bird’s final angry squawking flight to safety across a field and out of sight. Spontaneously, I laughed quickly.”
Joan Dempsey of Revise with Confidence provided two comments that I incorporated to produce the following version.
In place of "Continuing my approach ..." how about this: As my footsteps crunched on the gravel access road, the big blue bird squawked angrily and flew to safety across a field and out of sight."
I'd also suggest that spontaneous laughter is always quick, and so you could do without the adverb.
“I saw a Blue Heron up close and heard grumbling squawks as the big blue bird flew away from my approaches two times. After a short first flight, he landed farther along the access road that doubled as the hiking trail and paralleled the irrigation canal that he was hunting in when I first approached. He strode to the center of the access road and then pissed a pencil-wide white stream as if marking his territory. I watched curiously as he extended his head high away from his shoulders by straightening his neck to get a better view of my second approach. He then lowered his head by folding his neck into a curve as he settled his body farther down and waited. As my footsteps crunched on the gravel access road, the big blue bird squawked angrily and flew to safety across a field and out of sight. Spontaneously, I laughed.”
After much arguing with myself about parsing distinctions regarding show and tell, I have two insights to share.
1) The show and tell framework is ingrained in our collective consciousness by the elementary school practice of children bringing objects into the classroom to participate in “Show and Tell” sessions. Do elementary schools still do this? While I believe this practice existed at some point in time, I don’t recall doing it myself.
2) I rediscovered a bit of writer’s advice that I’ve encountered before. It’s: “Tell your story through the eyes of your character(s).”
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